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  • Writer's pictureKirk Chugg

5 steps in learning to Love Our Children Unconditionally - A Guide for Parents of Teens





As parents, we all want to love our children unconditionally, but it can be difficult when our teens do things that make us mad, hurt us, disappoint us, or even ruin relationships. We might find it challenging to separate our love for them from their behavior and choices. But as challenging as it may be, learning to love our children unconditionally is crucial to their overall well-being and success. In this blog post, we will discuss how to develop love for our teens while also supporting them and not enabling their destructive behaviors.


1. Understanding Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is about loving our teens for who they are, not what they do. It's about accepting them for who they are despite their flaws, mistakes, and bad choices. It's an ongoing process that requires empathy, compassion, and an open heart. We need to understand that our teens are in the process of discovering themselves and their place in the world. By loving them unconditionally, we are giving them the support they need to grow and become their best selves.


2. Separating Love from Behavior

We often confuse our love for our children with their behavior. We think that if we love them, we have to love their behavior, even if it's harmful, destructive, or hurtful. However, separating our love from their behavior is essential for their growth and development. Our teens need to know that we love them no matter what, but their behavior has consequences. We need to show them that we can love them while also setting boundaries and enforcing consequences for their actions.


3. Supporting Our Teens Without Enabling Them

Loving our teens unconditionally doesn't mean enabling their destructive behaviors. Enabling our teens allows them to continue their harmful actions without consequences, which can have long-lasting effects on their lives. Supporting them means helping them make better choices and learn from their mistakes. It means encouraging them to take responsibility for their actions and face the consequences of their behavior. We can support our teens by being there for them, listening to them, and guiding them towards healthier behaviors.


4. Forgiveness and Moving Forward

Even when our teens hurt us deeply, forgiveness is necessary to move forward and continue loving them unconditionally. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting what happened, but it means choosing to let go of the hurt and anger and moving towards a healthier relationship. We need to remember that forgiveness is not a one-time event, but a process that allows us to heal and restore our relationship with our teens.


5. Seeking Professional Help when Needed

Sometimes, despite our efforts, loving our teens unconditionally can be challenging. If we find ourselves struggling with our feelings towards our teens or unable to manage their behavior, seeking professional help can be beneficial. A therapist or counselor can help us navigate our emotions and guide us towards healthier relationships with our teens.


Learning to love our teens unconditionally may be challenging, but it's crucial for their growth and development. Remember that our teens need us to be there for them no matter what, and by loving them unconditionally, we are providing them with the support and guidance they need to become their best selves.

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